North Jefferson News, Gardendale, AL

Opinion

October 25, 2012

Danielle Pelkey: Kids turn weddings into comedies

COMMENTARY — Weddings aren’t just for June brides anymore. Couples are getting married throughout the year now and it just so happens that my daughters and I were asked to be a part of a wedding ceremony this past weekend.

My cousin asked me many months ago to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and I happily agreed.

She then asked if my daughters could be flower girls... of course this sounded like fun for them so we were excited about the blessed event.

As we got closer to the big day, I started to realize that there is a lot that goes into being a bridesmaid. There are wedding showers, stock the kitchen showers, lingerie showers, dress fittings, shoe fittings, finding dresses for the girls and the rehearsal, all in addition to the actual ceremony.

Everything except the rehearsal sounds like a piece of cake, but moms know their babies and I knew that trying to get my daughters to stand still on a stage for practicing a wedding ceremony was going to be a chore.

The bride was sweet enough to ask the girls to get their toes painted with her the day of rehearsal, so I picked them up early from school and with all of the excitement I could gather, we happily arrived at the nail salon, only for my youngest, 3-year-old Anna, to fall apart because we had interrupted her nap time.

She whined when the lady painted the nails and even whined when she printed pretty flowers on her toes. And then trying to keep her feet still while they dried was a pipe dream.

My 5-year-old, Raygan, thought this was typical princess practice and played along quite well for the manicure part.

When we arrived for the rehearsal, the evening started with them both crying and insisting that they were not going to stand on the stage and they were not walking down that aisle. Bribes of Chick-fil-A and presents made them somewhat bearable for the rest of the evening, but I was running out of things to bribe them with for the actual ceremony.

Raygan ended up being held over with the promise of cake, but Anna had to be given the strange privilege of wearing boys’ underwear under her tutu dress.

Yes, my daughter prefers boys’ underwear to her own.

I have no good explanations for this. But she chose the brightest blue pair she could find. This would not have been an issue had she not ditched the pantyhose and bloomers before the wedding.

As I walked down the aisle of the wedding knowing that my daughters were about to either make me the proudest momma in the world or the most embarrassed woman at the wedding, I had 100 different scenarios playing through my mind.

Raygan walked perfectly while tossing flower petals like a pro. She waited for her ring bearer to take her to their place on stage and stood with perfect posture as we turned to watch Anna.

Anna surprisingly walked to her spot without any extreme actions, although she refused to wait for her escort.

When the ceremony started, they both plopped down and Anna immediately asked in her regularly loud voice if she could take her hairband out. I was willing to let her do anything to keep her quiet by that time.

And then I looked down only to see her raising her tutu to reveal to all in attendance that she had been bribed with bright blue underwear.

In horror, I reached down and threw her dress back to its normal position. It was just a few seconds later that I watched my sister’s face turn red in the crowd and then she pointed at Anna.

I looked down only to see my daughter picking her nose on stage during the wedding ceremony. I pushed her hand down and tried not to make too obvious that I was stopping a child from picking her nose.

Then with all of the vocal chord strength she could gather, Anna turns and says, “But momma, I have a booger and I have to get it.”

And then she proceeded to finish the job at hand.

Not only did this act prove to everyone that she was intent on doing as she wished during this ceremony, it also solidified in everyone’s mind that I was, indeed, the mother of the nose-picking, boys’ underwear-wearing flower girl.

Not one of my proudest moments as a mother, but a typical “mom moment” if there ever was one.

When it finally came time for the kiss, Raygan felt the need to motion to everyone in the audience that they were about to kiss and acted as though it was the most despicable act known to man.

She then proceeded to say, “Momma, Jesus is gonna be angry that Clint and Nicole kissed in the church.” Thankfully she said this in a much softer voice than the booger conversation with Anna.

When the vows were completed and the music started playing, both girls started dancing and exited the stage in true comedic fashion.

Of course, by this time they had taken off all of their jewelry and hairbands, had their dresses smashed to crumbles and had their flower baskets on their heads.

The sanctity of marriage is a beautiful thing and as the preacher says, it is not to be entered unadvisedly, but there is nothing sacred about having two little Pelkey girls in your wedding party. That is a recipe for disaster if there ever was one.

Thankfully, Nicole and Clint were good sports and I think they were so nervous they never even realized the circus that was taking place beside them on stage.

At least they will have video proof to blackmail my daughters for years to come.

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