Halloween costumes have lost horror and pizazz

Viewpoints

Discussion

October 27, 2009

Anonymous The North Jefferson News Tue Oct 27, 2009, 04:45 PM CDT

Commentary By Adam Smith

The North Jefferson News

Halloween ain’t what it used to be.

When I was a kid, Halloween was supposed to scare the crap out of little kids. In those days, Freddy Kreuger and Jason (from “Friday the 13th”) were the kings of scream. Just the sight of a hockey mask or a slasher glove would evoke terror.

I’m sad to say those days are gone, and I feel partially at fault.

I found myself in a Walmart south of Atlanta over the weekend looking at Halloween costumes. Unfortunately, the only thing scary about the Halloween shopping experience was the store itself. (Just to be on the safe side, I would avoid any Walmart stores south of Atlanta.)

However, my fiancee Lensey and I were on our way to a Halloween party in Locust Grove and we were not in festive Halloween attire. I was fine with that, but she felt it would be in poor taste to show up looking like ... well, ourselves.

The lawn and garden section at this Walmart had been changed into “The Bootique” for Halloween purposes. After 10 minutes of looking through costumes, I felt justified in my decision to not wear one. Needless to say, the costumes were pretty darn stupid.

Determined to be a good sport about it, I found a costume. It was a giant beer bottle with a hole cut in the middle of it, allowing the costume wearer to stick his or her face through the hole. “What do you think?” said I to my fiancee. “Oh, that’s funny,” said she with a partial roll of the eyes.

She was right. This costume wasn’t funny and promoted the pastime of drinking. While I knew I was going to a shindig where alcoholic beverages might be served, I decided I wasn’t going to promote such sinful behavior through my Halloween attire. No sirree.

So, I put it back and then caught a glimpse at the display at the end of the aisle. For the low price of about $5 per accessory, I could go as Michael Jackson. I figured that might actually be the scariest costume in the store. Nothing should evoke fear in the hearts of children as dressing like an accused child molester with a disfigured face who is also now dead.

Lensey was having an even harder time. All of the female costumes had descriptions like “Sassy Snow White,” “Sexy Maid” or “Skanktastic Butterfly.” That last one might not be exactly accurate, but it’s close.

In the end, we both settled on the clip-on devil accessories for me and the clip-on cat accessories for her. Real scary stuff. Of course, the devil is scary, but does he really have sequined horns and a sequined tail? Methinks not. I also bought a $4 red pitchfork that Lensey threatened to beat me with if I poked her with it one more time.

When we got to the party, the costumes there weren’t any scarier. My friend Nick was a golfer. His wife was a cowgirl. There were two pirates, a construction worker, two more cats, some guy in a gray sweatsuit and Brett Favre.

Nick asked me what I was supposed to be. I replied “a casual devil,” as I looked down and noticed the price tag was still on my pitchfork. Yes, very scary indeed.

However, I was comfortable in my jeans and button-down red shirt. Scary no, relaxed yes. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found that comfort trumps just about anything.

However, I challenge all parents and kids to not buy into the scare-free Halloween craze. Don’t be a slacker like me. Turn it all the way up to 11 this year. Pile on the fake blood, the potentially dangerous accessories and scare the crap out of someone. Be rewarded with candy and then enjoy the tooth-rotting rewards over the coming days and weeks.

You’ll be glad you did and you’ll probably thank me later. You’re welcome.

Text Only

Viewpoints

One positive for bingo: It wakes up the masses
To bingo or not to bingo? Who would have ever thought the question would have gone this far in Alabama?

April 16, 2010
Community service should draw bigger crowd
The people of Gardendale had a great opportunity this past weekend to help clean up their city.

April 15, 2010
The good and the bad: Lessons learned in first week
My hat is off to Adam Smith. After sitting in his chair for a week, it all makes sense. No, that is way too optimistic: It is only beginning to make sense.

April 2, 2010
Palm Sunday was just the beginning of long tradition
I heard a preacher say that the only good thing about Good Friday was the promise that Sunday was coming.

March 31, 2010
Second week of 2010 proves to be quite eventful
Being an Auburn fan, it would have been just wrong if I hadn’t thrown up a few “hook ‘em horns” while the game was getting ready to start.

January 14, 2010
Strange remedies may keep you free of ailments in 2010 In the spirit of wishing everyone a healthy 2010, here are a few home remedies that could help you avoid the doctor and prevent a blow to your pocketbook. These remedies, potions and concoctions were taken from “The Foxfire Book” and two Web sites, earthclinic.com and folkremediesforyou.com.
December 30, 2009
May 2010 be everything that 2009 wasn’t And so we kiss another year goodbye.

The year of double-ought nine luckily proved to be filled with more ups than downs (knocking on wood) for yours truly. I actually managed to accomplish quite a bit personally and professionally. I hope you were able to do the same.
December 30, 2009
To any confused families, my husband is not Santa Now Raygan tells all of her friends at school that Santa is her daddy and I’m pretty sure that there are about 30 parents ready to kill us for ruining Christmas for their families.
December 22, 2009
I (kind of) braved Black Friday insanity Yes, after years and years of politely declining invitations to push and shove people in the name of commerce, I made up my mind to take part in the insanity. I was, in fact, going to do it out of love.
December 3, 2009
Halloween costumes have lost horror and pizazz For the low price of about $5 per accessory, I could go as Michael Jackson. Nothing should evoke fear in the hearts of children as dressing like an accused child molester with a disfigured face who is also now dead.
October 27, 2009
More Viewpoints Headlines

Viewpoints

Search Results

Discussion

Halloween costumes have lost horror and pizazz

Site Map

Contact Us