Published: September 24, 2008 11:09 am         

Dog day afternoon: My foray into dog show judging

Commentary by Adam Smith

The North Jefferson News



Maggie, Lulu, Jojo, Gracie, Cooter, Abby and Drum are true winners.

I should know, because I played a small role in their victories at the Beechwood Baptist Church’s fourth annual dog show on Saturday.

I received a call from a church member who wanted me to be a dog show judge a couple of months ago. I said, “Sure, why not?” because I’m a sucker for doing things that I never in a million years would ever dream of doing.

I arrived at the Mt. Olive Community Center on Saturday morning not really knowing what to expect. I knew there would be dogs, but beyond that, I had no clue.

Once I arrived, I met the two other judges for the morning’s event, and soon realized I was out of my element. One judge raised Malamutes and had been involved with the American Kennel Club in California. The other judge had experience in dog obedience training and grooming.

I write and edit stories, design pages and construct rambling diatribes such as this, on a weekly basis. I love dogs, but I can rarely tell a mutt from pure-bred pooch.

I tried to get a look at the competition before the show started. However, after several minutes of witnessing some earnest butt-sniffing, growling, barking and running, it was hard for me to get a feel on who I thought might be the best dog in Mt. Olive, or at least at this particular show. I would just have to wait until the show began.

There were several categories, including puppies, small, medium and large dogs. All told, there were about 50 or more dogs at this event. The competition was fierce.

There was also a wide variety of dogs at this show. There were schnauzers, dachshunds, basset hounds, schnauzers, dachshunds, basset hounds and more schnauzers, dachshunds and basset hounds.

The last class of dogs we judged were the large dogs. That seemed to be the class that separated the men from the boys, or the pups from the ... well, dogs.

The announcer called out, “S8, a borzoi named Drum.”

Out from the side jogged this majestic, tall, long-haired dog that looked like something you’d see at an AKC-sanctioned dog show.

Drum and his owner bounded up the ramp to the stage. The owner told the judges and the crowd her dog could do tricks.

I was skeptical after hearing a handful of similar boasts from owners only to see the dogs looking pre-occupied and wanting off the stage.

However, she spoke Russian to the dog and the dog barked. I was impressed.

It was the next trick that completely blew me away.

“He likes to flirt,” said the owner. “I’ll need a female volunteer.”

One of my judging companions ably scrambled up the side of the stage and agreed to be the volunteer.

After some coaxing from the dog’s owner and a series of questions that may or may not have questioned his manliness, the dog lunged forward and buried its head and paws in the bosom of the female judge.

Needless to say, the dog really could flirt and somehow managed to get to make some strong advances without the benefit of a steak dinner. I was impressed.

After we had seen all the dogs, I was rather vocal about my choice for Drum as the Best in Show pick. Surprisingly, the other judges agreed with me, even though one of them had been inappropriately assaulted.

All in all, I was pretty pleased with the dogs I picked and the dogs I judged. I met a lot of nice folks in Mt. Olive and experienced a unique opportunity that I won’t soon forget.

I’d like to thank Beechwood Baptist Church for giving me the honor of letting me be a dog show judge.

To all the loser dogs, I say better luck next year. Sometimes you need to know a cool trick to get a cool treat.

That applies to people, too.