Published: April 23, 2008 11:53 am         

Online news should have more average tales to tell

Commentary by Adam Smith

The North Jefferson News



I am what you might consider an avid reader of Internet news.

Most veteran newspaper guys would consider such talk crazy, but the fact of the matter is that news is slowly becoming more of an online entity. In 50 or 60 years, newspapers may not exist at all.

After all, even The North Jefferson News has entered the Internet age.

However, besides our Web site, there are literally thousands (perhaps millions) of Internet sites where the average Joe or Jane can read the top news of the day.

I have a pattern when it comes to my online news consumption. If I’m feeling blue, I’ll check out msnbc.com. If I’m feeling red, I’ll check out foxnews.com. If I’m feeling more moderate, I’ll check out cnn.com.

I guess I could consider myself a bit of a news junkie. I like reading about politics, the economy and what’s going on in the Middle East. These things are of interest to me.

My great concern is with what most of these sites are considering news these days. Case in point, the following headlines were found this week on the front page of a news Web site:

• Britney Spotted Smooching Ex — Spies Overhear How Kevin Reacts To Kiss: ‘Should We Be Doing This?’

• Miley Cyrus Caught in Naughty Poses — Photos Show Her Flashing Green Bra

Why, why, why, why, why are these items considered the least bit newsworthy to a reader in Gardendale, Alabama?

I don’t have an answer, unfortunately. Somewhere along the way, every little tidbit about every little celebrity has become public fodder and I’m sick of it. I don’t care about what Britney Spears is doing at any time of the day.

I find the average simpleton to be a much more interesting fellow. Britney Spears can’t likely talk for hours on end about how she conquered the amazing feat of eating a candy bar, talking on a cell phone, finding a radio station, shifting gears and driving a dump truck all at the same time.

I’ve heard such a story from a public works employee in Calhoun County. I was riveted.

Anything Paris Hilton does can’t hold a candle to the stories one of my old landlords used to tell me about his health. “I’ll tell you, I’ve had five inches of my large intestines removed, they re-routed my colon through my spleen, moved my liver up to where my left kidney used to be and cut out my prostate.”

He’d relay such stories after walking into the house unannounced and sitting in our bathroom for an hour or so. Then would come the inevitable scream of, “Boys, you’re out of T.P. Fetch me some, would ya?”

We’d fetch some toilet paper for Ted and he’d tell us all of his medical woes and we’d sit fascinated by it. I’m not so sure if we were fascinated by his tales of medicine gone awry, or by the fact that he would basically just stop by to blow up our bathroom.

Ted, God rest his soul, was not a boring person. He was just an average guy with less-than-average stories to tell.

After all, celebrites are boring people. They just have money, cars, big houses, drugs and all sorts of other things. Someone once said that the average Joe likes to live vicariously through celebrities.

I’d rather spend my time living vicariously through the lives of people like public works employees and Ted.